Note from Elise: Occasionally I invite guests to post their thoughts for you. I think you’ll enjoy their ideas and unique voices. At the end of each post, you can read a brief bio about the guest author. Enjoy!
Eleven principles for truly intimate relationships
(for those who are ready):
1. Adore this precious person as the “god” or “goddess” of your life, as a pure gift given to you by Love itself—even in the face of any psychological or societal considerations that might call you to a different approach.
2. Be clear about and remind yourself of the soulful truth of this sacred relationship—its deep wisdom, its purposeful meaning in your life, its true invitations, etc.—and let that truth guide your every thought and action in relation to your partner.
3. Never allow yourself to interpret, evaluate, judge or theorize about your partner’s actions, psyche, thought patterns or personality. Such mental activity is a complete waste of time in a true relationship; in fact, it destroys intimacy.
4. Always ask your heart (more than your mind) how it feels and what it suggests in relationship to “x” aspect of your partner—especially if “x” aspect is bothering, irritating or concerning you.
5. Remind yourself that, no matter what the interpersonal situation or drama between you, it is you (not the other person) who needs to change, stretch, grow, give, expand, etc. The other person’s processes or changes are literally none of your business.
6. Remind yourself that, spiritually and subconsciously, you chose your partner’s seeming idiosyncrasies, imbalances, inadequacies and insecurities (as well as his/her wondrous and magnificent aspects) so that you would have the privilege of learning unconditional love. Commit yourself to learning this “graduate” version of unconditional love, and do so in this relationship.
7. Be totally present to this person in every interaction. Listen to, be caring about and feel/experience your partner as he/she speaks and interacts with you. This person deserves your total presence.
8. No matter what, avoid every urge, need or temptation to fix, heal, change or otherwise insert yourself into the learning/growth process of the other person. Your only “job” in this relationship is to love, honor, adore, support and believe totally in your partner (she/he then does the rest).
9. Move beyond all personal expectations, needs or desires in relation to your partner. Love, yet do not expect love in return. Give, but don’t look for your beloved to give back to you. Take care of your own perceived emotional and physical needs rather than looking for your partner to take care of them.
10. Remind yourself regularly that real intimacy is never about your being right, being in charge or being seen as intelligent. It’s only and always about your being loving—period. Yes, loving—period.
11. Feel and express gratitude for the blessing that your partner is to you every day—both internally (expressed to yourself) and externally (expressed to your partner).
Are you ready for this challenge? Indeed, you most certainly are! And your best personal tool for accomplishing it is to love yourself first and foremost. Yes, if you love yourself deeply and fully enough, you’ll find all the love you need to extend to your intimate partner.
Bill Bauman is a modern mystic, spiritual mentor, translator of Life’s mystery, silly human being, and originator of “The Ultimate Human.” Bill has been described as a hands-on healer, gifted visionary, selfless empowerer, loving awakener, and pure transmitter of Life’s gifts.
Bill offers workshops, teleseminars, sacred sites tours, retreats, mentoring programs, classes on The Ultimate Human and The Ultimate Leader, personal intensives, as well as an array of audio and printed products. www.BillBauman.net