“We need, in love, to practice only this: letting each other go. For holding on comes easily; we do not need to learn it.” (Rainer Maria Rilke)
In the 80’s, the Police sang, “Set them free” — a song about setting free that which you love and knowing that if the love is meant to be, it will return to you. This is not new wisdom, just timeless clarity that we sometimes forget, especially when we’re enveloped in passion, drama or entanglements.
Gripping and holding on serve the opposite of their intended purpose. Instead of keeping your loved one close to you, it makes the other person feel trapped, like they’re being held too tightly and smothered. On the other hand, counterintuitively, if you allow your loved one to breathe, have their own space, and come and go freely, you’ll find that when they are with you, it’s because they are choosing to be.
This is true not just of passionate, intimate connections, but also for family and friend relationships. Allowing others to be who they are, what they are, when they choose, is the most honorable and respectful way we can treat them. And when others are treated with respect and given the total freedom that they need, then you’ll know that their choice to be with you is theirs, that their love is given freely to you.
For love to be complete and full, we must see one another in our fullness — not fixate on one aspect of another that we believe we need or lack. But instead, acknowledge and truly see the gifts, talents and wisdom of the other person, to grasp them in all their magnificence, and to allow them the freedom to be.
When two people connect from a place of wholeness and strong sense of self, THEN an incredible sharing of love is possible. So if you’d like to know great intimacy and deep soulful connection, let each other go, and watch what miracles unfold.