Have you ever noticed how sometimes you can have a great, close friend for years, and then something shifts and you drift apart and go on to live unconnected lives? Have you ever been really close to someone you worked with, but when one of you left the company, your close connection ended?
Dr. Wayne Dyer says, “Be unattached to all who come into your life by not demanding that they stay, go, or appear at your whim.” In other words, welcome friends into your life, enjoy their presence and your connection with them, and if they choose to leave, let them go.
With all the people you meet and get to know in your lifetime, it is not physically possible to stay in connection with all of them for the duration of your life. It would take too much time and energy — you wouldn’t have time for anything else!
Knowing this, you can clearly see how it’s necessary for some connections to fade away, while others grow. It’s a revolving door of connection and friendship, that is meant to enrich you (and the other person).
Too many of us take it personally when a friendship evolves and changes into something less intense, less regular, and less connected. In some cases, it may have had something to do with you or your actions; but in many cases, it had more to do with the other person and their needs, their inspiration, and the direction they chose to take.
If we can see this shift as a natural evolution, as a part of the cycle of life and death that plays out in the realm of relationships, then we can put it in its proper perspective.
On the other hand, if we are attached to people or relationships, we will experience pain and suffering when they don’t go the way we expected. Our expectations and attachment to outcome will be the cause of our pain though, not the actual change in the relationship.
I know some of you are probably saying that we should work to maintain our relationships and keep them long-term, and I would agree that we can do that — as long as we are also unattached to the outcome and willing to let them go (if that occurs). You can’t make somebody love you or want to spend time with you — and why would you want to?
True connection comes from both people wanting to be with each other, spend time together, connect and share. If one no longer wants that, then what would be the point of continuing? Even if you tried to stay in touch, the actual underlying connection would have been long gone.
Perhaps this analogy will help: Think of your connection with another like a delicate bird that has come to visit you. Enjoy its beauty and delight in its presence. Nurture it and care for it. Love it. And if it chooses to go, let it fly free. For if you let it go, you can treasure what you had, for the time you had it, and keep that loving memory in your heart. But if you grasp it tightly and make it stay, you will kill it. And both of you will feel the pain.
I’m not saying that all connections must end — there will be some that will be enduring, perhaps even life-long. It’s just that that cannot be our expectation for all of them, or we will create suffering for ourselves.
Allow your relationships and friendships to evolve at their own time and rate, and to shift, change, or even dissolve, if that’s what one of you is calling for. By doing so, you can maintain your peaceful internal climate, knowing that life is all about change and evolution.
By welcoming the revolving door of connections, you will receive (and give) many gifts…each perfect in its duration.
Have you experienced this? Please share…